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Freddie deBoer's avatar

When I'm manic, I get very, very skinny, sometimes frighteningly so. When I'm on meds, I get fat. I'm not trying to get thinner in the former instance, and I'm REALLY not trying to get fat in the latter - I have worked so, so hard with diet and exercise, and I can never win against the effects of my meds. And these experiences have made me forever aware that the moralizing vision of obesity is just fucking wrong. Our bodies react very differently to similar behaviors when it comes to weight loss. What cruelty to tell people who have found something that finally works that it's "spiritually deadening" or whatever the fuck.

Joe Hicks's avatar

Over the course of about 4 years I lost 270lbs, going from 522 to 250. I reached my low last April and it was great, but I’m now back up to around 325, having regained 70-80lbs in about 8-9 months.

The problem I ran into was that 1) my willpower was exhausted but 2) I still have that disregulated appetite that made me super obese to begin with. If I eat a very bland, low processed, high protein, low carb diet, I can kinda keep my hunger and eating in check. During my loss I locked down my whole life and oriented my entire self towards my #1 goal of weight loss. Once I’m in maintenance the decisions of when to abstain and when to indulge become arbitrary in a way that’s been hard for me to navigate. So if I allow more foods in, it’s a real short road to get to my body urging me to eat 1-3k calories OVER my maintenance. My body and mind just orient me towards eating, mostly junk food, but eating a lot nonetheless. And I’m now in a position where I can’t make weightloss my all-embodying life orientation anymore, so it’s been hard!

So while it’s been disheartening to regain and have to do it again, I’ve got a doc appointment coming about getting on a GLP. I showed I can do the work, can build the discipline, but I can now take a drug that fixes the exact thing that’s wrong with me. I’m planning to write about my experience after, I’d love to live a life not dominated by my struggle with food anymore.

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